Life in the shoes of a Nursery School Teacher

My life seems to be full of so many important responsibilities and here's another one. I've spent every Sunday of the last 9 months as a Nursery School Teacher to infants through 4 year-olds. Children are so important to me, it's a job I love and value. Here's a little day in my life :)

It’s that time of year where I find myself saying more goodbyes than hellos. It’s the dark chocolate ending to a milk chocolate year, bittersweet. Sitting in church today near all of my girls I think about how great it will be to have children of my own when that time comes. I already think of Maclean and Jimin and Penny and Ella as my own children and in a way I am a parent figure to them. I care for them every Sunday, I teach them right from wrong and I encourage and love them. As pastor John finishes up children’s church I feel as if I am about to tear up. Maclean presents me with daisies and a card, a contribution from all of the kids and parents for the work I have done for them this school year. This is something I will miss over the next three months. We start out Sunday school with a treat this week, one of the older women comes in and leads us in songs about loving Christ and loving our mothers, it is mother’s day after all. Maclean sits next to me and rubs my leg, we’re both wearing tights (mine are actually nylons) and she likes the feeling of mine. Penny and Ella aren’t here today so it’s just Maclean, Jimin and I. We plant petunias in little ceramic pots that we decorate for our mommy’s for mother’s day. This is Maclean’s first time planting a flower and I feel honored to be the one to help her. Jimin has grown up so much in just a few short months; she’s pulling herself up with the help of chairs and standing. I can’t believe I’ll miss her first steps. I watch her as her mother leaves to go to the bathroom and she automatically starts crying. As is usual, her mother rushes back from the bathroom to soothe her, reminding me once again of the cultural differences in caring for an infant. Of course I’m not a parent yet but I do believe in the merit of helping a child learn to handle separation rather than running to their every beck and call. In no time Maclean is pulling out book after book and begging to sit in my lap and read them. For as long as I’ve known her her favorite books have been the ones about David and Goliath, Jonah and the Whale, Noah’s ark, Elijah, and other Bible stories. Today we read David and Goliath twice, and she is as inquisitive as ever. She asks me to explain why David killed Goliath, what an army base means, why David is the only soldier not afraid of the giant. She asks me to explain why Jonah ran from God, and why he decides to go back and do ask God asked of him. She points to the men in the book and asks which one is God, I try to explain to her that God cannot be seen, he’s simply someone you have to feel, and before I can add more she proclaims “God is in our heart.” She’s right, of course. All too soon my time with her and Jimin is coming to a close. She doesn’t sense that I will be gone for months; I can only hope she’ll remember me when I return.

My mind constantly comes back to Children and Family Services. The experiences Maclean, Jimin, Penny and Ella are experiencing as children are ones every child should have a right to, and yet ones that many children are robbed of. It’s sad to even have to contemplate the idea that many children worldwide are being neglected, sexually abused, malnourished, developmentally retarded from their environmental situations and the like. This is the most important time for a child to feel love and encouragement from their parents and parental figures, to be able to trust and feel security. I can’t help but deeply admire the work of the CFS, making house calls to investigate reports of child neglect and abuse, working so hard to keep children in their homes unless it is too dangerous. This is something I can see myself doing, a corporation I would love to intern with.

As I get ready to leave the church, Maclean asks me one last time what color my school is. Lately, the color of everyone’s house and school is extremely important to her. I tell her and then try to explain to her what primary colors are, and which colors are primary. She doesn’t understand it completely yet. Maybe we can pick up where we left off next year, maybe in August I’ll still be teaching her primary colors.

Making a difference in someone's life

I thought some of my readers might be interested in reading about my experience volunteering at the New American Center, a place where we tutor refugee students from African countries between the ages of middle school and highschool. It's been a life changing experience, and it's something I'd love to share with others. Enjoy :)

Today was my last day at the New American Center and I found myself extremely sad to be leaving. These kids are a light in my life, a candle in anyone’s darkness. I am so thankful to all of them for so readily welcoming myself and the other Gordon volunteers into their lives and being willing to work so hard to reach their goals and dreams.

            The minute I entered the New American Center and David mentioned my name Jihad swiveled around in her seat and smiled so excitedly. Very few times in my life have I seen someone so genuinely excited to see me, and to think I only met her last week. She bounded over to me and automatically asked If I would help her with an essay (I obviously earned my reputation as a gifted writer when I helped her with her storybook project the week before) to which I laughed and answered yes. It turns out she was filling out an application to attend the Cushing School Summer Session, something she had attended the year before as well.

Jihad isn’t the first student I’ve worked with at the NAC who was applying to attend Cushing. If they get accepted, these kids get a chance to get away from home for about a month (something they usually desperately need) and to learn and live with their peers. Though those accepted usually have to pay 6,000 to attend, most of the kids at the NAC get scholarships which cover this cost. Education is so important, I’m glad to see the government giving money to kids who genuinely need it and deserve it in this case.

Jihad and I automatically jumped into working on her essay question asking her to describe why she wanted to attend Cushing Summer Session and what she hoped to achieve if she was accepted, but before I knew it we were chatting about anything but her essay. Talking about faith with the kids at the New American Center is something you usually have to tread carefully with, since many of the kids are not religious and the organization is not faith based. Even so, I found myself talking to her about my own faith, and this was hardly a one way discussion. Jihad explained that she had no faith, she didn’t believe in anything, but that she wished she did. She asked me about my religious beliefs; had I grown up in a Christian home? What did I think about sex before marriage? How did I feel about lesbians and gays? What was my viewpoint on other religions? How did I like Gordon, etc.? It was obvious to me that she was searching for some understanding of this “faith” that she could not understand, from a mentor she looked up to. It’s true my faith me be unconventional; I explained that I enjoy learning about various other religions from Hinduism to Buddhism, Judaism to the Muslim faith and that though many people believe there is only one “right” religion, my belief system says otherwise. I don’t personally believe that God will send someone to Hell because they chose to worship him in the “wrong” way. I explained that I didn’t think being attracted to the opposite sex was really that bad, and that yes waiting for sex until marriage was important to me. Jihad has schools with a great reputation in mind for undergraduate school, among these Columbia, University of Massachusetts, and Lowell, schools in Connecticut, Miami, Georgia, Arizona, and even Gordon.  However, she admitted she is wary of going to a school like Gordon because of her lack of faith. In her world, if you were not born believing a certain faith and raised in that tradition, that’s that. You will never have any faith. I explained to her that this is not true, anyone who is interested in any type of faith can study it and many adults come to faith long after their childhood.

After discussing faith we talked about education. She explained her issues with staying focused on homework, educational goals, and how she wants to be a counselor or a creative writer when she grows up. I can easily relate to this, since my hope in studying social work is to become a children’s counselor and I also love creative writing. I gave her tips on studying habits, and explained to her that money isn’t everything in choosing a field of interest. If you can help somebody else through the profession you love, it’s worth every moment you spend regardless of the wages you make.

When I left the NAC I realized not only how much I had impacted Jihad’s life, but how much she had also impacted mine in just two short weeks. She’s a bright, compassionate, loving, humorous girl I believe can do great things with just a little guidance along the way. Discussing the day on the car ride back from the New American Center, the others seem surprised to hear what all Jihad and I had talked about. The others all agreed that they had never connected so deeply with any of the kids before, they had never discussed such important topics. I’ve always known my calling was to work with children—it’s something I appear to be a natural at—but I count myself as the lucky one for getting to experience the relationships I have at the New American Center. I find my volunteer time here highly pertinent to my studies as a Christian social worker. Already I’ve gotten to experience a type of counseling and how to carefully integrate my faith into my teachings. I’ve experienced the sticky situations many social workers find themselves in, unsure of how to respond to certain situations. I’ve experienced a love for helping others, something that goes along with the profession. I grasp the importance of helping others for a living regardless of how much money I may make doing it.

Tonight I added Jihad as a friend on Facebook. She commented on one of my statuses and I commented back, telling her I hoped I’d be back at the New American Center next year to continue our tutoring/talking sessions, she told me she hoped I would too because she finds our talks interesting. Rather than just some assignment I was given in class, I find my experiences at the New American Center more like life-altering practice for a future profession. I can’t wait to return to the New American Center next year to foster relationships with more kids, to make a difference in someone’s life and feel them make a difference in my own.

Memories

I walked outside today, and was automatically soaked. The current state of this east coast city equals downpour. Where in the world is spring!? However, because of the downpour the sidewalks are covered in earth worms! No, I'm not talking a few here and there, I'm talking tons of skinny earth worms, that were unneccessarily shoved out of their dirt home, where they face the plight of more than likely dying by being trampled by millions of rainboots (because they look like skinny little sticks). On the upside, these little sticky friends reminded me of memories from long ago. When I was little, and my sister, mom, and dad and I lived with my aunt in the Midwest, thousands of worms could be seen on the sidewalks once spring had sprung. I'm not sure why this is, I think it might be because in the state in question, we have such extremely severe weather patterns. Temperatures in the 100's in the Summer, and the negatives in the winter. Anyways, I for some reason recall being a small child stranded on the sidewalk barefoot, bawling because there were so many worms and I had nowhere to safely step. I cried until someone came and rescued me. It was a good memory for the day, it made me smile :)


Being as bi-polar as the weather is here, it was extremely sunny yesterday and Monday. The first few really sunny, warm, days of spring always make me really happy because I am reminded all over again what it is that I love about the sun so much. I love wearing tube tops and sun dresses because I love being girly and I love the feeling of my long hair against the skin of my shoulders. I love the feeling of the sun on my skin in general, and how it brings out my little freckles on my arms and legs. I love having wrinkly, brown, toes. I love picnics on the grass, making mini wading pools in my belly button with ice cubes, hot dog barbeque's, sticky ice cream, and sooo much more!



So maybe I'm alone, but who doesn't find these animals freaking creepy!? I don't really know when my fear of whales began, for I feel like it really wasn't that long ago. Regardless, I'm pretty sure I know where it stems from. Back in the Midwest, again when we lived with my Aunt, my sister and I shared a room and we used to listen to a cassette of Indian Tribal music to help us fall asleep. I don't know who decided that that kind of music was relaxing. I guess it put my sister to sleep, but my imagination must be much to creative for that. It just made me feel like I was being hunted by Indians with tribal paint on their faces or that I was being submerged in the ocean with huge whales (yes, the music had whale noises in it). I wonder if i ever vocalized the fact that I hated it? I feel like I might have but maybe nobody realized how much I actually hated it. Did my dreams about Indians who carried me on their shoulders and closed me in their suitcases at the airport stem from this music? Fast forward some 14 years (at least) and now I really hate whales! I mean, I won't go whale watching, I feel queasy when I have to look at pictures of them, I sometimes cry when I hear whale noises, the whale in Finding Nemo even scares me! Ridiculous? Yes. Can I help it? No.

These are my only thoughts/memories for now. Blogging feels good :)

Leaping off now,

Froggers

When Will I Succeed?

Because I'm told that I have to accept that God may want me to be single and once I accept that maybe, there is a possibility that I will be, then is when someone will come my way

(but still, possibly not) and i cant be willing to settle for anything or settle for dating anyone who doesn't feel 100% right

But the thing is, its sooo much harder for me than it is for other people, because i DONT WANT to accept that God may want me to be alone, and have bigger plans for me someone

and i dont want to keep waiting around for the right guy, and hold out, and not just date to date,

I have no assurance, it's complete and

How would it feel to know that the most important tenant of your faith is the one you seem to have the most trouble relying on? Would you feel hopeless? Would you feel abandoned? Would you be afraid? Because I’m told that I HAVE to accept that God may want me to be single. I have to accept it. And once I can accept that I may be single forever, that God has bigger plans for me than marriage, and children, then and only then will someone come my way. But still, it’s possible no one will. And I’m told I can’t be willing to settle for anything or anyone who doesn’t feel 100% right. No, I’m told I shouldn’t have to be willing to compromise for less than what I know I need, because the character flaws I see now will never change. But the thing is, it’s SO much harder for me than it is for other people, because I DON’T WANT to accept that God may want me to be alone, that he may have bigger plans for me that never involves marriage or children. And I DON’T WANT to keep waiting around for the right guy, and hold out, and not just “date to date”. I have absolutely no assurance in this matter, because it is all about complete trust. And I can’t trust.

Some say, so why not date just for fun? But I can’t do that either. It doesn’t work that way in a Christian network. People date and they are so much more serious about it. It’s different. For me to date for “fun”, it would always include dating someone who wasn’t a Christian, and that’s a waste of time for me. Because I know I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t a Christian. And still people say, “But you are so young, why do you have to be with someone now?”

Why? My parents are divorced, I already have little faith that marriage can last forever, happily, without divorce, betrayal, and heartbreak. The little hope I still have, I am clinging too desperately. Till my palms are sweating and my finger-tips are turning blue, slowly slipping off the edge. I DON’T WANT to be a lonely, middle-aged woman, with no husband and no children. I want pink and blue baby clothing, the opportunity to paint a nursery, dozens of pointless home videos, birthday parties with colorful cakes, tears when they go off to kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, and then get married. I want Lily Lynn, Claire McKenzie, and Emmitt James. And I want my husband next to me, sharing in the fervor of a new marriage, the frustration of fights and rage and the harmony that comes with getting through them, the anxiety and joy of having our first child, middle-aged nitpickiness. I want someone to be my partner in crime every moment of the way.

So How can my friends relate? I don’t think most of them can. Miss “I’ve been in a relationship for over 5 years”. Miss “I’m happy with my boyfriend of 1 year.” Miss “I know our relationship has been rocky but I love him so much.” Miss “I’m married and joyful.” When I am feeling particularly sad, I log on to a certain site, something I see as a joke yet am secretly wishing, buried in the dark recesses of my comforter, will work for me. It’s something that turned another friend of mine into Miss, “I’ve been dating him for a year”, and another into Miss, “He’s cute, sensitive, AND a Christian, and I’m flying halfway across the country to see him!” They cry, “I can’t believe it worked for me!” While in my mind, I’m crying “I can’t believe it didn’t work for me…” I keep telling myself I don’t believe in fairy-tales. Princes don’t exist and neither do Princesses. There’s no happily-ever-after. But I keep hoping someone will come change my mind.

Someone I know once told me that God tests us. His tests are actually very similar to the academic tests we take every day. Inevitably, we often fail. In fact, God expects us to fail. But he doesn’t worry about us failing, because he knows we will eventually pass with flying colors. Peter, for instance, had the easiest job of all. All he had to do was admit that he knew the LORD, and he promised Jesus he would never deny him. But when Jesus was being hung on the cross, Peter failed him and told the woman who asked that he had never followed Jesus. He failed miserably then, but when Jesus was resurrected, he believed and proclaimed the word. He succeeded with flying colors. I know I’ve failed many times myself. So I’m asking: God, when will I succeed? Because I am tired of being told I am ridiculous. I’m tired of being told I am overreacting, that it’s not that important, and that I need to calm down. Because in all honesty, I know that what I’m feeling isn’t wrong. Somewhere out there, someone has to be feeling the same way, don’t they? God, when will I succeed…?

Travel--and Its therapeutic qualities.

Dear fellow bloggers,

Everyone needs a place to start. Somewhere to call "reality" amongst chaos. A place to be one's "home" in spite of its qualities which might not seem so home-y to someone else. That place started in the Midwest for me, then shifted to the West coast, and now is settled on the East. I've always been intrigued by travel. Some of the very best books are about traveling to other countries. Books like "Three Cups of Tea", "Eat, Pray, Love" and "The Caliph's House". Some of the best experiences have come from individuals studying abroad, visiting other countries. Now more than ever I want to pick up and go. Just go. I can see myself just about anywhere, really. In Italy, I fall in love with the language as much as my waistline would fall in love with the carbs. I revel in the beautiful language, take baths in barely enough water, and go to sleep every night with sore feet from all of my travels. In Italy, I'd fall in love with a new kind of life. In Australia, I fall in love with Nutella and bar-b-que's and the australian outback. My heart swoons for the accent and my eyes for the dusty red clay roads and exotic wild life. In Australia, I'd fall in love with a new kind of life. In England, I fall in love with giant puddles and umbrellas, shop windows, musky smelling libraries, tea and crumpets. I fall in love with British boys and mopeds. In England, I'd fall in love with a new kind of life. In France, I fall in love with the culture. I fall in love with french chocolates and french food, the french language and showering less often. In France, I'd fall in love with a new kind of life. In India, I fall in love with bangle bracelets and the Ganges river, Baliwood and long skirts. I'd fall in love with a new kind of life. In Uganda, I fall in love with every child I meet. I fall in love with the stray goats, how giving everyone is, the intense heat. In Uganda, I fall in love with a new kind of life. In Greece, I fall in love with the ocean and the houses, the music and the donkeys. I fall in love with a new kind of life. There is not a place I wouldn't like to go! And I wonder, how would life change for me? What if home, ceased to be home, and a new place became home? But then, everytime I go somewhere new it becomes home. You find yourself desiring one place just to get there and desire the other. Where is home when it's in the Midwest, on the West Coast, on the East Coast and in England? Where's home when it's in Italy but also simultaenously in Uganda, and Australia, and India, and Greece, and France? Life can't be lived in fear. Says Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Every day has enough trouble of its own." My view: You can't be afraid to pick up and leave. Your best friends will always be waiting for you to return and the new ones just waiting to meet you. Culture shock exists, but you it changes you in good ways. If you are extremely fearful of something, it only means its worth trying. Afterall, where would our nation be if the immigrants had never ventured to come over on the Mayflower? Seize the day! It doesn't matter how much money is in your pocket, if you have enough money to get where you are going, you'll figure out the rest once you are there. Otherwise, if you wait to have enough money you'll never have enough and you'll never take a risk. Pour your heart into a new place and you'll find that you reap the benefits. You may never want to leave.

Until later bloggers,
Frogger